
#11. Unacceptable things to say after doing a shot: Great, now I’m going to get drunk. I hate shots. It’s coming back up.
#18. Always have a corkscrew in your house.
#19. If you don't have a corkscrew, push the cork down into the bottle with a pen.
#38. If you are the bar's sole customer, you are obliged to make small talk with the bartender until he stops acknowledging you. Then you're off the hook. The same goes for him.
#75. Beer makes you mellow, champagne makes you silly, wine makes you dramatic, tequila makes you felonious.
#70. The patrons at your local bar are your extended family, your fathers and mothers, your brothers and sisters. Except you get to sleep with these sisters. And if you're really drunk, the mothers.
#48. Men don't drink from straws. Unless you're doing a Mind or Face Eraser.
#46. After three drinks, you will forget a woman's name two seconds after she tells you. The rest of the night you will call her “baby” or “darling”.