The 86 Rules of Drinking:

#9. Get the bartender's attention with eye contact and a smile.

#23. Girls hang out, apply make-up, and have long talks in the bathroom. Men do not.

#29. If you owe someone twenty dollars or less, you may pay them back in beer.

#10. Do not make eye contact with the bartender if you do not want a drink.

#35. Learn to appreciate hangovers. If it was all good times every jackass would be doing it.

#71. It's acceptable, traditional in fact, to disappear during a night of hard drinking. You will appear mysterious and your friends will understand. If they even notice.

#44. Being drunk is feeling sophisticated without being able to say it.

#21. Our parents were better drinkers than we are.